Blog 5/13/09

I couldn't decide what to name this blog because so many ideas came to mind. Most of them were the usual cliches, Be Careful What You Wish For...You Can't Have It All, just to name two. Therefore, I just gave it a date. When I did, I noted that its the 13th and I came from a very, very superstitious family. My sister died when she was thirteen days old, my mother died on the 13th of September and so forth and so on. To carry on this family tradition, I woke up this morning with a migraine, mad at the world and feeling deep, dark and blue. That's where the cliches came into consideration.

I have overwhelmed myself because I wished to be busy and I am. I wanted to have it all and I do. I spent so many years in my mid-life at home with no friends and nothing to do but clean house and I wished for all I didn't have. Now I have all I ever wanted, family, friends and acquaintances and I'm exhausted trying to spend time enjoying all of them. I know I've complained about this before but as a mother and grandmother I sat myself down and said "Stop whining and fix it". Therefore I am fixing it. Last night I wanted to go to the studio to watch Tim mix his new CD but instead I went to my grandson, Chase's, baseball game. Nick was umping so I was able to take photos of both of them at the same game. We then came home and had dinner together. It was wonderful. I actually got the kitchen floor mopped. Last Friday night instead of going out to hear music, I babysat Kalee so their family could go out. It was relaxing. Over the weekend Nick and I worked on his bedroom, turning it into a true teenage musician's space. It was fulfilling.

Therefore as the mother I have grounded myself. After this weekend of the Ohio River Valley Folk Festival and the Writer's Retreat, I'm gonna spend more time at home. I will honor the commitments I have already made but with all my power I will try to say "no" and work on my house and spend more time with my family. Its noticeable that I haven't posted any updates on my kitchen...that's because there are none. We have the materials, including my new counter top, but we haven't had the time.

I get exhausted just looking at my schedule but my date book isn't half as full as my daughter's. I hope she doesn't wear herself out! On Mother's Day we had a nice family dinner but still had to find time to coordinate our busy calendars.

This summer, I hope to invite friends to my house to sit on my back deck and enjoy some music and a cold beer or two and RELAX. I want to be accessible if my friends or family need me.

To wrap up this babbling...I am so blessed with family, friends and acquaintances and I will therefore spend time with them...in that order. I feel compelled to go hear fellow musicians as often as possible and there are very few that I haven't heard multiple times. I still love their music and want to support them but I have to set my priorities. I'm actually missing my cousin's wedding this Saturday. Like most weekends, we had five things to chose from. It's also our 17th wedding anniversary and Jim and I love to camp on that special date. We combined camping and music with the folk festival and the wedding just didn't work into the plans. Yes, I feel really, really bad about not being with my family and therefore the blues have set in. I hope I get these conflicts worked out better in the coming months.

Wish me luck