Night Walk

After our three sets on Saturday night Jim and I discussed what songs were strong, what songs we should work on and what songs to drop. Jim mentioned that "Night Walk" was my strongest song and I felt the same. "Night Walk" is a very personal song to me and one that I really can lose myself in. Although we introduce it as a nice song for a summer evening, the story behind the song goes much deeper. In February of 2000, my grandson, Nick, and I were at the Krogers in Mariemont, packing our groceries into the car in the dimming light of early evening. "Hey, how you doin' tonight? Do you need some help?" As I looked up to answer no, it became apparent that this person was headed for us at an accelerated speed. Knowing what was about to happen, I grabbed my purse at the same time he did and shouted a few unladylike words that 7 year old Nick reminded me of later. The man was much bigger and stronger and he slammed me to the concrete with such force that my right arm and elbow were shattered. After reconstructive surgery and a hospital stay, I was told that my physical injuries would heal. However, Nick and I were in a state of "fight or flight" which we could not shake. Nick hid his toys and waited for the "bad man" to come to our house to rob us. He knew he had my license and would know where we lived. The local police were instrumental in bringing back Nick's security by leaving little notes or gifts on our porch to let him know they were watching out for us. I was not healing emotionally and jumped every time a stranger said hello. I couldn't stand being in a crowd of people and just wanted to be home. If the man who had robbed us had been unpleasant and frightening this whole process might have been easier. Instead he was a normal looking person who was offering help. I felt I could trust no one. The rest of the winter was an anxious time filled with therapy and worrying that I would never be able to use my arm again. It was more than a year before I could bend it in order to perform everyday tasks. I suffered nerve damage and thought I would lose the ability to type or play guitar. Although I was in a constant state of sadness I tried to present a happy face for my family and friends. I knew they wanted to hear that I was okay so I tried to look the part while all the time feeling deep despair. Then, in June, I took a trip to Vermont to visit my daughter and grandchildren. Chandra lived on a quiet, dirt road miles from town with only a farm, a graveyard and a bed and breakfast nearby. In the evenings I would walk up and down that dirt road, enjoying the peace. "Past the graveyard, up the hill, walking through the pines." A brook below the road babbled pleasantly as I'd walk listening to the sound of the occasional bird and the crickets calling out their tunes. "The babbling brook beside me, sings a lullaby." The evenings were cool and dry and the pine trees gave off a fragrance that brought back many memories of childhood. The night before I would leave for home the walk took on a different feeling. The moon was coming up full so the night sky was a soft, dark blue with stars beginning to appear. Off in the distance I could hear thunder, rolling around the Vermont mountains, and as the night sky darkened, raindrops softly started falling. Clouds drifted across the stars and the night closed in. Like a heavy winter coat being lifted from my body I felt the tension and sadness disappear. For the first time in six months happiness had returned. My mind and soul opened to the place I was in and the serenity of the moment was like the goodnight kiss your mother gives as you drift into slumber. "The air is sweet and comforting, its such a magic space. It wraps its arms around me in a motherly embrace." As I walked the rain fell harder and the pain and tension were washed away. "Not a care to weigh me down, not a worry on my mind...just a quiet walk on a summer night to leave the past behind." When I returned home I tried to explain the experience but could not. We were at a house concert given my Roberta and Gary for the Troubadours of Divine Bliss a few days later and in one of their songs they sang the words "I'll use the stars for street lights". I asked Jim to help me remember that line and the next day, the line came back into my head and the song came to life. I sat with pen in hand trying to write the words as they flooded into my mind. I will always believe that "Night Walk" was a gift from both my guardian angel and the muse herself. That is why its my strongest song and one that I will always be grateful for. As I sing those words, I feel blessed by that special night.